Is Your Betty Ready?

A Brown Betty English Teapot

Much like our dear hunk JRR Tolkien, I too have a crippling tea addiction. Though we're supplied with plenty of tea at work, I always keep a box of Twining's Irish Breakfast in my desk because office stock depletes quickly and I don't trust that there will always be an acceptable option. The last time we ran out of soy milk, my preferred flavoring accent, I started hyperventilating and crawled up into one of the heating ducts until the office manager shooed me out with a broom.

The other day, to enable both my tea addiction and my affinity for all things British, I was looking for the classic Brown Betty English teapot. Steeping tea in a mug just seems so very plebian, and I love nothing if not a great deal of pretension. I typed in my search on the ShopWiki main page, and imagine my complete surprise to find the product at right (minus my hackneyed censoring job) come up in my results: Betty Beauty Dye (possibly NSFW). Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that product is a dye specifically designed for maintaining your nether regions.

NOT a Brown Betty English Teapot (links NSFW unless you work at ShopWiki, where anything goes!)

What started as a testament to the horrible power of addiction, thanks to the power of serendipity, turned out as one of the most magical searches I've ever done. I have this friend, let's call her Myrtle, but I can't count the number of times in a normal day I've - I mean she! SHE!! - wondered, "Am I as fancy as I could be today?" Poor Myrtle, something was just always missing; there was a tangible ennui that all the Jordache jeans and body glitter in the world couldn't cure.

Thankfully for Myrtle, my addiction led me to this fateful search. If it weren't for the fact that I mainline tea, I wouldn't know that Betty Beauty Dye not only exists, but also comes in a variety of colors. Including HOT PINK. My dear friend now has a skip in her step, a twinkle in her eye, and a betty to suit her every whim.

So the next time you're pouring yourself a piping hot cup of Earl Grey, ask yourself this: are you as fancy as you could be today? Is something missing for you too?