Hunk Friday: An Open Letter from Alex P. Keaton's Dad

A public service announcement from Michael Gross

Hi folks,

I'm Michael Gross, but you probably know me best from TV's "Family Ties". I'm here today to inform you about an amazing public service and opportunity for infinite personal gain. Yes, I'm here to speak to you about beards.

You see, friends, I was once like you: tall, gangly, involved in petty gang warfare. The streets of Chicago can be tough, and as an impressionable teenager, I fell into all the usual traps. For years I was without purpose or direction and I myself was convinced that I was forever lost.

Until one day.

Yes, dear readers, one fateful January day, I was walking along the Chicago River in the bitterest of colds. My skin was chapped a severe purple and I was certain that my cheeks would never warm up again. I said to myself, "Michael," I said, "There has to be a better way. There has to be a way to survive this lake effect with dignity."

Tina who?

And so it was this very day that I started growing my beard: the beard that would not only make me a star, but would also save my life. Had I not come to possess this shining beacon of facial hair, I never would have escaped the band of miscreants that had entangled me in their web of crime. With my new beard, I was rejected by these very same scoundrels as a liability: I was now identifiable, no longer just a face in the crowd. Sweet liberty was at last mine!

A few years later, I went on to the hallowed halls of Yale University to get my MFA in drama, and shortly after that, I would find my greatest role as Steven Keaton, patriarch of the Keaton clan on "Family Ties". Look at this photo at the right and I challenge you to see anything other than my glorious beard. Impossible, isn't it?

So if you're looking to change your life for the better, I urge you with all my heart: grow a beard. Do it today. The life you save could be your own.

Sincerely,