Hunk Friday: We're Really Reaching Here

No David Blaine, no.
(NSFW, like everything else today)

You know how sometimes you're enamored of a particular celebrity not because you are a genuine fan, but because you like something that he or she did, or you admire his or her attitude/personal style? I suppose that these feelings would best be expressed in the words of the infamous Hansel, played by Owen Wilson (by the way, what the heck is this item of Owen Wilson paraphernalia???) in Zoolander:

Perfectly reasonable. I mean, I don't especially like Gwen Stefani (don't get me started on her reticence to be labeled as a feminist (because no one will ever define it for her!) or her poor pronunciation of "Harajuku"--from someone who is, by her own admission no less, apparently obsessed with the street culture), but I admire her bold red lipstick choices.

However, there is an even more extreme subset of celebrities whom I do not like at all, but with whom I do feel some sort of kinship specifically because of how they are portrayed in pop culture parodies. For example, like 66% of polled Americans, I am no Dubya fan. Yet because of the 2001 Trey Parker and Matt Stone TV series called That's My Bush (search unintentionally NSFW until the fix I just made goes through, sorry!), there is a part of me that imagines that crap like this is actually what goes on in the White House, and this makes the current administration the teeniest, tiniest (etc.) bit more bearable.

Such is the case for today's hunk choice. I find David Blaine tedious and ridiculous, a poor man's version of Arrested Development's G.O.B. Bluth. This Dive of Death business? I just got word from Cathy, one of our writers (keep an eye out for her!) that throughout the entire stunt, he took breaks every hour to walk upright and use the bathroom. Lame, lame, lame. I live in New York and I don't know even one person who walked by to see: this is the height of our derision.

Oh, and also?

Ew, David Blaine, ew.

However. However. Have you ever seen the sheer brilliance that is David Blaine Street Magic: The YouTube Edition (NSFW unless you have headphones)? Just as I imagine George Bush to behave as he does on That's My Bush, I long to live in a world where David Blaine accosts private citizens on the street, torments them into whiny submission, and MAKES THIS FACIAL EXPRESSION OVER AND OVER.

So if you're reading this, David Blaine, take a memo. This is what your public craves, not some stupid death-defying (??) stunt. This. Make the face and make people whine. Then maybe you can be a true Hunk Friday. Think it over.