Curious?

Why, yes, I am curious. What the hell is that smell?!

Britney Spears (or rather, her people) have been pushing a lot of merchandise lately. She's got a documentary, a new album, the covers of several magazines, and as we all remember from those innocent early 2000s, two perfumes: Fantasy and Curious. Though I've never sampled Fantasy myself, I have definitely borrowed some of my tween sister's Curious hand lotion in a pinch. My thoughts? That it's appropriate that Britney's new album is called "Circus" since she apparently smells like one--this stuff could only be described as "essence of cotton candy." Not that cotton candy smells bad. Quite the opposite. But though it does smell quite yummy, I will not purchase Britney's signature scent for three reasons:

Few people know that "Curious" is actually liquidized cake.

1. When I wear perfume, I want boys to feel lusty, not hungry.
2. Isn't a scent supposed to be indefinable? I don't want people to start guessing when I enter a room. "Omg, is somebody eating a Twinkie?" "No, sorry, that's my perfume."
3. I'm cheap.

That's right. I don't want to spend spend $50 on an aroma I could achieve by tucking a cookie down my bra. The good news is, you can solve a multitude of these problems with "Curious" by not buying it--and investing in these alternatives instead.

1. Opium. I don't think this smells anything like Curious, but I'll bet my bootlegged copy of Blackout that it's sexier.
2. Jessica Simpson's Dessert line. At least this way when you smell edible, you actually are. No false advertising!
3. Juice Bar. That's right, you can smell EXACTLY like something (no mystery here!) for a very low price. Seriously, a couple of bucks in a drug store. Cotton Candy, Gummi Bears--go nuts. Well, if they even make this stuff anymore. It's been a while since I was in junior high and now I'm not sure.

Anyway, here's to you, Britney, and your lowest common denominator products! Teenaged girls and middle class cougars alike will love you for it.