Hunk Friday/Point-Counterpoint: Vampires...WTF or OMG?

♥♥EDWARD CULLEN MUAH!!!11!♥♥

A movie review by Kat and an excitable tween (compiled from user comments on the Twilight teaser trailer).

POINT: Incredibly fast, skin cold as ice, immortal, OH and blood-drinking, vampires have been dominating children's nightmares for years. But have no fear that they will no longer haunt us--thanks to the incredibly laughable performance by Robert Pattinson (of the Harry Potter films) in Twilight.

COUNTERPOINT: ru seirous?? this is the best movie i've seen in 2008 *faints* so far :p n its all because of robert pattnson!

POINT: I walked into that theater with no expectations, and came out feeling as though I had just seen a train unavoidably race towards a broken bridge. I was begging and pleading with the movie gods to somehow create any redeemable quality in the movie, but unfortunately there were none--except maybe the scenery.

COUNTERPOINT: OMGGG!!!! ROBERT/EDWARD IS SOOO HOT! stop hating hater! <3 edward!

POINT: Vampires are the oldest, most seductive, most demonic and most terrifying of creatures to walk in our imaginations, and now they have simply been reverted to the level of lusty teenagers who can't figure out how to breathe steadily. Robert Pattinson, who is supposed to be playing Edward Cullen (a beautiful, captivating male specimen in the book), actually plays a teenage boy who put on too much clown makeup before leaving his trailer. While Edward's eyes are supposed to captivate his prey, Pattinson relies too heavily on what he must think are alluring glances. Furthermore, when he opens his mouth, he can't manage to speak correctly.

COUNTERPOINT: he can bite me anyday! omgg! all of thosee who say roberts lame annd stuff are gay and really dont know what girlss wantt. HE IS EFFING PERFECCT. [:

POINT: Not only were the conversations between Isabella (Panic Room's Kristen Stewart) and Edward clipped and awkward (as they are apparently supposed to be falling in love), but they can't manage to be within a foot of each other without quivering. I understand he is a vampire and maybe Stewart was trying to act scared, but seriously, quivering and speaking softly only make her seem like a chihuahua. A character who is falling in love with something that could kill her should probably act more confidently.

COUNTERPOINT: *throws up* What the hell is wrong with you. this movie was amazing stop complaining and saying negative stuff ok??? tHNKS!!!! their perfect together. edward is so hot and i love how he just always wants to protect her. i want a guy like that! i'm gonna go watch it again! all the vampires in this movie are hot too, girls and guys!

POINT: Although Stewart pretty much shakes and shivers through the whole movie, she finally stops when confronting a rival vampire who threatens to kill her mother. When this rival breaks her leg and she is finally bitten, Stewart makes a pretty good effort to die well. Her acting actually seemed convincing as she writhed in pain on the floor.

COUNTERPOINT: you would of shook too if you were next to him i cried and everytime robert pattinsons face came on screen i started hyperventalting! ur just jelous!!

POINT: It was sad to see some plot points conspicuously absent from the film, but even sadder to realize that the only excitement was the hope that Bella might actually die so the movie would end. But instead, a 30 second "epic" battle ensued between Edward and the rival vampire. Frankly, it was pathetic. The muppet vampire show at the end of Forgetting Sarah Marshall was more epic than the entire two hours of Twilight, and we only saw a minute of that.

COUNTERPOINT: it is nothing like forgetting sarah marshal, there is no forgetting in it, and to even compare it with that, youve obviously never read the book or seen the movie

KBAI!!! <3