Demography Me

The Generation X of cleaning products

Taking inspiration from Renee's all-time favorite ShopWiki search, I was browsing through items labeled as "poop" this afternoon (some days are harder than others). While it's certainly true that there are a plethora of interesting poop products to be found, none intrigued me so much as the pet stain and odor remover shown at right.

Listen, I've owned pets: cats and dogs that defecate and vomit all over the place, and for no good reason other to embarrass their owner and make her look like a scumbag. Well done, pets, you get a treat. Oh, my hot date just stepped in a pool of warm urine? All in the name of seduction, friends. No, there's no time to clean that up: what, do you think I get all of these hot dates by spending time spraying and vacuuming? You were going to take your socks off anyway: problem solved.

But wait. It's precisely potty-mouthed lowlifes like me to whom the DogGone Poops, Oops, and Barf Stain Remover is marketed. You know the ad execs sitting around their big mahogany table were just itching to tap into that key under-30 demographic that is notoriously too lazy to clean house. "Dammit guys," one of them (Gil, most likely) exclaimed one day. "Cleaning can't be all about Martha Stewart and weirdo bald guys. We have to get ON THEIR LEVEL. Let's make it edgy."

With a previously unemployed tactic of vernacularization and hip-to-it-ism, Gil and company envisioned keggers and clean-up coexisting peacefully, generations of frat guys trotting out their hilariously-named all-natural spray just seconds after Rex, the house mascot, pukes all over the beer pong table after being fed too much canned bean dip. "Chill, man, it's ok," they would argue, "You go crank up the DMB. I got this."

Mission accomplished, bro. Mission accomplished.