Hunk Friday: No Dice, Dice, Baby

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Those who are longtime readers know that as Overlooked's resident hunkologist, I possess a keen and discerning eye for delectable man candy, both topical and vintage. However, this talent is a gift and can sometimes prove unreliable if the inspiration does not strike: hence my bout of writer's block last week. Well, I'm sad to report that the block has persisted, but instead of fighting it, let's embrace it.

This week, I propose that we embark on a new voyage: one of "Faded Glory" Hunks. Specimens who had it all, but for one reason or another, completely lost it and are still waiting to get it back ("But lengli," you interrupt, "Isn't that the case just about every week?" To you I say PIPE DOWN). Our first inductee is none other than early 90s icon and Surreal Life inhabitant Robert Van Winkle, better known to you and me as Vanilla Ice; and our first topic of discourse is:

TEN ITEMS RELATING TO "VANILLA ICE" THAT I WOULD RATHER PURCHASE THAN AN ACTUAL VANILLA ICE CD

10. Virtu Inc.'s Vanilla Ice Pudding

VIRTU INC VANILLA ICE PUDDING 14 OZ 6

To be honest, I don't really like pudding all that much, but Vanilla Ice's Hot Sex is something that no number of scalding hot showers can cleanse you of. And the puppies on the box! Go to your happy place, lengli.

9. A novelty spilled vanilla ice cream

Novelty Spilled Vanilla Ice Cream

Which is the bigger joke: Vanilla Ice's Hard to Swallow or this novelty spilled ice cream? Well duh, but I'll still buy the ice cream. Still not convinced? You can also buy one with a chocolate drizzle!


Find the rest of the list after the jump!

8. A Vanilla Ice Lucite Chandelier

Vanilla Ice Lucite Chandelier

I guess I can find somewhere to put this....

7. Wildly Delicious Vanilla Icetini Cocktail Mix

Wildly Delicious Vanilla Icetini Cocktail Mix, 7-Ounce Boxes (Pack of 4)

If you drink enough, you can forget the entirety of the early 90s.

6. L'Oréal Couleur Experte Haircolor in Vanilla Icing

L'Oreal Couleur Experte Haircolor, 7.1 Vanilla Icing, Dark Ash Blonde

Some may say that gentlemen prefer blonds, but in Ice's case, my new hair color will allow me to more easily assimilate into the Witness Protection Program.

5. An alpaca named Velvet's Vanilla Ice

Velvet's Vanilla Ice alpaca

The reason I choose the alpaca is for its vastly superior hair-styling skills.

4. This thing

By Liberty Street Designs. A set of 3 handpainted Vanilla Ice Fob cuts of 28ct Liberty fabric are included with chart

Three handpainted vanilla ice fobs? Whatever! On the wall it goes!

3. A dollhouse-sized box of Borden's ice cream (with paddle)

BORDEN'S VANILLA ICE CREAM W/PADDLE

But no paddle, no deal.

2. A stock photograph of a dish of vanilla ice with olives in it

Vanilla ice with olives Print-quality image

I would gladly frame this nausea-inducing photograph and hang it above my mantle if it meant I could forever scrub the memory of Vanilla's rap scene in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze from my brain.

1. Corn

Field's Vanilla Ice Hybrid (SH2) Corn 66342 - For each offer ordered, get approx. 250 seeds

Yes, there is a Vanilla Ice corn hybrid. As if corn isn't already omnipotent enough, it's now trying to take over the pop music scene. However, Vanilla released a 2001 album with a song called Elvis Killed Kennedy. IF CORN CAN'T STOP HIM, WHO WILL?!?

2 Comments

KIRA said:

I want Number 5!

lengli said:

Get in line, sister!

Leave a comment

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Every day, we see lots of products from around the web. Some of them are too good to ignore. Come along for the ride as we stop to admire the best of these overlooked items here. Remember, if someone's selling it, there's someone buying it.

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