Everyone Will Be Happier if You Just Buy a Baby.

No, this entry is not about the underground market of buying and selling infants, which by the way, is totally appalling, it is about the disturbing DISTURBING way people substitute animals for children. It really peeves me. Your dog or cat is NOT A BABY, so stop treating it like one.

Exhibit A.

Something is extremely wrong in this world when the only wheelchair-friendly subway seat is occupied by a dog stroller. Yes, that is right: a dog stroller. The damned dog can walk, can't he? In fact, I believe that, unlike humans, dogs actually like to exercise. Which brings me to the most ridiculous pet-related thing I ever saw: the puppoose. The puppoose transforms your pet into a furry, drooling, designer handbag that companies like to market under the guise of "dog carrier". On top of it being a totally useless and deprecatory invention, you can't even fit your cell phone into the side pockets (A.K.A. your dog's ears).

Please shield your eyes if you cannot handle disquieting images:

Why would anyone subject poor little animals to this sadistic torture? Dress them up, and parade them about in a high chair while they stare covetously at the freely frolicking strays? How would the owners like it if someone dressed them as Harry Potter and fed them Puppy Chow milkshakes out of a baby bottle? They would not like it one bit, no sir.

Message to all those who treat their pet like a child: Make love, not warped pet babies. Then you may actually get a real baby, and you can let your pet be, like, an animal.

Message to stupid posh pet stores: Stop feeding into this psychosis, it is only making these owners sicker!