When You Absolutely Need to Kill Every Last MoFo In The Room.

So, you want to kill every last MoFo in the room? Well, I am here to show you the quickest and easiest way to do it. By giving you this information, I am also giving you top secret Philippine weaponry data, which you must guard carefully--lest the Philippine government discover that we, and everyone else on The Internet, know their secrets. The weapon that I am about to describe to you is superior to all other weapons in terms of killability, concealability, and stealth; it is the Unbreakable Umbrella.

This water resistant killing device is worth every bit of the $179.95 you will pay for it. It will allow you to whack your enemy into a coma, and shield you while you're doing the whacking. Not to mention it will shield you on your way to the (soon to be) crime scene.

Do you fear that The MoFo Slayer is only useable during the rainy season? Well put that fear aside. I had similar doubts, and so devised a list of umbrella uses that span the seasons. Here is a sampler: In Autumn, Spring, and Summer, it is easy to shield oneself without suspicion; one can use the umbrella for rain, falling leaves, flowers, sunshine, and, in recent times, meatballs. For our whitest season, the Unbreakable weapon transforms into a snowbrella. Not plausible, you say? In the following video we demonstrate how to take care of anyone who questions the validity of this useage:

My Prediction: It's you, in the coat check room, with the umbrella stick.