Results tagged “90210” from Overlooked

Whether you love or hate Sarah Palin, you've got to admire her crispy updos. Undoubtedly meant to recall simpler times when the Aqua Net flowed freely, and obviously seeking to bring back memories of past White House women (she does know Jackie O was a Democrat, right?), Sarah Palin's hair is as steadfast as her resolve against abortion.

It's also vaguely reminiscent of my 1996 prom issue of Seventeen magazine.

Coincidence? I'll let you decide. Let's just say the looks are about as similar as a hockey mom and a pit bull inexplicably wearing lipstick!

For those of you whom I do not know in person and/or who do not live in the area and thus have not dragged into Brooklyn to bear witness, one of the greatest things to do in New York City is called Cringe. Cringe, hosted by the lovely Sarah Brown of Que Sera Sera, is a monthly series featuring fearless people reading aloud from their HIGH SCHOOL DIARIES. The experience is strangely cathartic, often embarrassing (even if you're not doing the reading), and always hilarious (as evidenced by this podcast in which Marc Balgavy pleads for the death of Brandon Walsh on TV's Beverly Hills, 90210).

Anyway, if you're not lucky enough to live within commuting distance of Cringe, you should probably take a good, long look in the mirror. Is this the kind of life you thought you would be living? Fortunately for you, Cringe: Teenage Diaries, Journals, Notes, Letters, Poems, and Abandoned Rock Operas comes out today, and you can experience all the Schadenfreudean fun in the comfort of your own living room.

Buy it. Read it. Or I'll get all bershon on you, and you certainly don't want that. Trust me.

You can say all you want about the "new" Beverly Hills, 90210, but I'm not buying into it. I don't care if Arrested Development's impeccable Jessica Walter is there burning the Peach Pit to the ground; I don't care if Degrassi: The Next Generation's resident good girl gone bad, Shenae Grimes, is falsely accusing the entire West Beverly High staff of molestation.

Sure they've gotten Donna Martin, Kelly Taylor and Brenda Walsh. Hell, they've even got Nat Bussichio. Big deal. They could get Jim and Cindy Walsh, Emily Valentine, and bring Scott Scanlon back from the dead and I still wouldn't bat an eye.

The CBS store can engrave all the iPod Nanos it wants with the likenesses of the classic and iconic cast. No matter how tempting (so very tempting!!!) this all may be, one fact remains.

NONE OF THIS MATTERS.

Without his structurally impenetrable wall of hair, no one is safe from the perils of daily life. Without his sage advice, young adults will inevitably fall into trap after dangerous trap. Without the glue that holds all its residents together, there is no 90210 zip code.

Brandon Walsh - we need you. Now more than ever. Please come home.

What is it about Dylan McKay that made millions of teenaged girls collectively swoon as one? Was it the swagger? The "it-hurts-too-much-to-speak-so-I'm-just-going-to-stand-here-and-brood" raspy voice? The hot car? The tortured perma-wrinkles on his forehead (I was convinced that if I stared hard enough I would eventually be able to see into his soul)?

The most famous faux teen ever to grace the halcyon glow of the television screen, Dylan McKay was a legend - nay, an icon. Guys wanted to be him, women wanted to be with him. Rumor has it the real reason Shannen Doherty left the show was because she was put in traction by a gaggle of jealous teen girls after her character, Brenda Walsh, cheated on Dylan on a study abroad to Paris. It nearly six months for all of the welts to go down, by which time it was too late: Doherty had already snapped.

Years later, the allure is still there, transcending time. Luke Perry may be a strapping 68 years old, but Dylan McKay is forever preserved as a sprightly quadragenarian tearing up the Pacific on his surfboard, the sunset reflecting off his perfectly spiked hair.

Though Kelly Taylor might have said "I CHOOSE ME", we here at Overlooked will never let him go. Always and forever, sweet prince. Always and forever.