Results tagged “Hanukka” from Overlooked

You're so hot and cold with me!

Sure, sure, it'd be obvious to say Santa Claus or Hanukkah Harry is the biggest holiday hunk of them all, but that would just be too easy, not to mention an outright and dirty lie. Just because they get all the attention around this time of the year, this hardly qualifies them for this coveted title. That'd be like overlooking Michael Vartan just because Brad Pitt is in way more movies, has preposterous facial hair goals, and has an undead lady friend that pops out children at the speed of that wacko Arkansas Duggar family.

Way back before the Jonas Brothers ever came into being, there was a little TV special called The Year Without a Santa Claus, and the most important brothers in my life were the Miser Brothers: Heat Miser and Snow Miser.

Not only are they singing and dancing machines, but these characters are archetypal bad boys: veritable James Deans reincarnate (if he sang and danced, that is). Sure, they and their unpredictable weather patterns were put on this earth to make your life more complicated, but can you imagine a day without their dulcet tunes and impassioned gazes? A day in which your heart doesn't skip a beat from the sheer thrill of the thought of seeing them? A day in which you can't feel Heat Miser's woollen tufts of hair lightly brushing against your cheek, or Snow Miser's icicle-covered fingers caressing the small of your back (sometimes both at once!)?

Perish the thought! That's no life at all!

But don't take my word for it....

Dog forbid he should spill Manischewitz on his tallit!

Why should your 13-year-old nephew Elijah get to have all the fun when your faithful dog has been by your side, day in and day out since the day you first brought him home? Better he should just lie there and waste away unnoticed - if only your son, the doctor, were so devoted!

So maybe a bar mitzvah for the dog is a little out there - the synagogue is already overbooked and who wants to convert 13 into dog years? But with Pup Shalom, poochies don't have to look like total goyim when they go out for a morning constitutional. In fact, between Halloween, Hanukkah and the High Holy Days, you'll be hard-pressed to find an occasion where Pup Shalom isn't appropriate attire!

Happy Hannukah, everyone!

Ed. note: But what if your dog doesn't celebrate Hanukkah? Don't worry, I've got your goy dog covered.