Results tagged “Paris Hilton” from Overlooked

Misled, misled, misled

Asian guys, let's face it: Adam Quan is not a white woman. Adam Quan will never be a white woman. Why on earth would you shell out nearly 30 dollars on his advice on how to date a white woman? Sure, sure, he might think he's all studly and conquering, but asking one of your own for tips on landing a white chick is about as useful as asking a mime about trapeze technique. To date a white woman, you have to think like one.

Therefore, with this intent, I, a bona fide white woman, offer tips on nabbing yourself that white filly you've got your eye on. Follow these simple steps, and soon you'll be fighting them off tooth and nail.

Even the whitest women in the world will be powerless to your advances

1. Watch Gossip Girl. A LOT of it.
2. Go vegan.
3. Attend readings by David Sedaris or Sarah Vowell.
4. Surprise her with a cell phone covered in Swarovski crystals. Just because she claims to hate Paris Hilton (that slut!) doesn't mean that she secretly doesn't want to live like an heiress.
5. Bake cupcakes. Any kind will do, but if you really want to wow her, try red velvet.
6. Three words: Sephora Gift Card.
7. Take her to dim sum. There's a good chance she'll end up being the only white person there--how novel!
8. Begin sentences with "In my culture" wherever possible. Absolutely guaranteed to make her swoon.

Good luck! Not that you'll need it, of course.

If only this clip only lasted longer than 14 seconds! Few remember that David Faustino (aka D L'il) had a failed rap career in the early 90's, but "Married... with Children" helped highlight this with their spoof of Grandmaster B. Never forget again!

Heh.

So some of the latest gossip is that Paris Hilton and Benji Madden are a couple and have taken to wearing personalized initial rings. Call me hard-hearted, but if I were Paris, I would have thought twice before agreeing to this sign of devotion. And as an added caution, here is a list of men that I will never date:

Sorry in advance, fellas.