Results tagged “baby” from Overlooked
The number one reason for the creation of the Zaky (the disembodied hand pillows pictured below) is really touching. This reason, described by the inventor on the official website, goes exactly like this: "Zachary was born weighing less than 2 lbs. His mom wished she could cut off her hand to leave her loving touch, scent, warmth, and protection with him, so she invented the Zaky". Wow, what dedication! Dedication or delusion, you take your pick, since cutting off your hand would help your premature baby's health by about a none-shot.
Prior to creating the current list, I did consider writing 10 things I liked about the Zaky; unfortunately, I got stuck after "plushy exterior", and could not go any farther. So we're just going to have to stick with the original theme:
10 Things I Hate About The Zaky
1. It violates The Addams Family copyrights. How? By copying the character makeup of Gomez's close friend, "Thing" (and I'm not entirely sure the whole hand design isn't poking fun at Things' bodiless handicap...not cool, Zaky, not cool).
2. There will be confusion between human hands and mommy simulating baby pillows. Although this confusion may not inhibit the child's early years, it will cause a slew of issues throughout adulthood. These issues include (but are not limited to): suckling your bosses handshake and offering pillowcases as gloves.
3. Why Mommy, what big hands you have! I am baffled by the design of the Zaky. It is supposed to simulate a parent's hand, but I do not know any person whose hands are the size of a human baby. The Zaky looks like an allergic hand with a bee sting.
4. It makes parents less involved. This is only beneficial to the child if the parent is a pushy stage mom, or Britney Spears.
5. It has hand fetish written all over it. Like strange, want to suck your (preferably fuzzy!) hands, fetish. Good thing the Zaky is a hand and not a foot, as if we needed more foot fetishes in the world.
6. It makes children dependent. I doubt it is good for the child's mental health to have a warm hand on his bum 24/7. I mean, what is going to happen when the kid reaches school age? Will he still need to be reassured by this warm hand? What about when he is an adult? Will he make his wife stick her hand up his bum so that he can sleep comfortably?
7. A child who uses the Zaky will grow up to want a marital relationship with the Snuggie. This is obviously problematic.
8. It will mold your newborn's impressionable head... into a hand-print.
9. It is a whole mountain's worth of creepy. Just look at those hands, and tell me you won't have nightmares about them tonight. The Zaky deserves its own B-Movie.
10. It ensures that your child will always enjoy the scent, warmth, and protection... of the padded walls and sugar free jello in a psychiatric ward.
No good can come of this.
No, this entry is not about the underground market of buying and selling infants, which by the way, is totally appalling, it is about the disturbing DISTURBING way people substitute animals for children. It really peeves me. Your dog or cat is NOT A BABY, so stop treating it like one.
Exhibit A.
I am not even going to dignify this with a snarky comment.
Something is extremely wrong in this world when the only wheelchair-friendly subway seat is occupied by a dog stroller. Yes, that is right: a dog stroller. The damned dog can walk, can't he? In fact, I believe that, unlike humans, dogs actually like to exercise. Which brings me to the most ridiculous pet-related thing I ever saw: the puppoose. The puppoose transforms your pet into a furry, drooling, designer handbag that companies like to market under the guise of "dog carrier". On top of it being a totally useless and deprecatory invention, you can't even fit your cell phone into the side pockets (A.K.A. your dog's ears).
Please shield your eyes if you cannot handle disquieting images:
With the puppoose, your dog can serve as trendy accessory, baby, and invalid grandparent who made you feel guilty because you forgot to take care of them--all in one! Side note: I hope her dog has an accident all over her (preferably brand new) Reebok sneakers.
Why would anyone subject poor little animals to this sadistic torture? Dress them up, and parade them about in a high chair while they stare covetously at the freely frolicking strays? How would the owners like it if someone dressed them as Harry Potter and fed them Puppy Chow milkshakes out of a baby bottle? They would not like it one bit, no sir.
Message to all those who treat their pet like a child: Make love, not warped pet babies. Then you may actually get a real baby, and you can let your pet be, like, an animal.
Message to stupid posh pet stores: Stop feeding into this psychosis, it is only making these owners sicker!
