Results tagged “dog costumes” from Overlooked
No, this entry is not about the underground market of buying and selling infants, which by the way, is totally appalling, it is about the disturbing DISTURBING way people substitute animals for children. It really peeves me. Your dog or cat is NOT A BABY, so stop treating it like one.
Exhibit A.
I am not even going to dignify this with a snarky comment.
Something is extremely wrong in this world when the only wheelchair-friendly subway seat is occupied by a dog stroller. Yes, that is right: a dog stroller. The damned dog can walk, can't he? In fact, I believe that, unlike humans, dogs actually like to exercise. Which brings me to the most ridiculous pet-related thing I ever saw: the puppoose. The puppoose transforms your pet into a furry, drooling, designer handbag that companies like to market under the guise of "dog carrier". On top of it being a totally useless and deprecatory invention, you can't even fit your cell phone into the side pockets (A.K.A. your dog's ears).
Please shield your eyes if you cannot handle disquieting images:
With the puppoose, your dog can serve as trendy accessory, baby, and invalid grandparent who made you feel guilty because you forgot to take care of them--all in one! Side note: I hope her dog has an accident all over her (preferably brand new) Reebok sneakers.
Why would anyone subject poor little animals to this sadistic torture? Dress them up, and parade them about in a high chair while they stare covetously at the freely frolicking strays? How would the owners like it if someone dressed them as Harry Potter and fed them Puppy Chow milkshakes out of a baby bottle? They would not like it one bit, no sir.
Message to all those who treat their pet like a child: Make love, not warped pet babies. Then you may actually get a real baby, and you can let your pet be, like, an animal.
Message to stupid posh pet stores: Stop feeding into this psychosis, it is only making these owners sicker!
PLEASE STOP DRESSING US UP.
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Do you honestly think we look happy??
But don't take my word for it.
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Cupcake, age 2
I really thought my owner loved me. She was always telling me how pretty I am and brushing my coat to make sure I was soft and shiny - but then Halloween rolled around. Fast as lightning, I had this thing shoved on my head and I was being paraded around the neighborhood like a fool. I've never forgiven her for that - and her fancy, expensive couch hasn't smelled the same since. |
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Scamp, age 5
A Stegosaurus? A freaking Stegosaurus? I'm a Tyrannosaurus Rex!! When he's not looking, I'll rip out his jugular. Until then...I wait. |
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Consider yourselves warned. |
Dog forbid he should spill Manischewitz on his tallit!
Why should your 13-year-old nephew Elijah get to have all the fun when your faithful dog has been by your side, day in and day out since the day you first brought him home? Better he should just lie there and waste away unnoticed - if only your son, the doctor, were so devoted!
So maybe a bar mitzvah for the dog is a little out there - the synagogue is already overbooked and who wants to convert 13 into dog years? But with Pup Shalom, poochies don't have to look like total goyim when they go out for a morning constitutional. In fact, between Halloween, Hanukkah and the High Holy Days, you'll be hard-pressed to find an occasion where Pup Shalom isn't appropriate attire!
Happy Hannukah, everyone!
Ed. note: But what if your dog doesn't celebrate Hanukkah? Don't worry, I've got your goy dog covered.
