Results tagged “flavor sprays” from Overlooked
Why, yes, I am curious. What the hell is that smell?!
Britney Spears (or rather, her people) have been pushing a lot of merchandise lately. She's got a documentary, a new album, the covers of several magazines, and as we all remember from those innocent early 2000s, two perfumes: Fantasy and Curious. Though I've never sampled Fantasy myself, I have definitely borrowed some of my tween sister's Curious hand lotion in a pinch. My thoughts? That it's appropriate that Britney's new album is called "Circus" since she apparently smells like one--this stuff could only be described as "essence of cotton candy." Not that cotton candy smells bad. Quite the opposite. But though it does smell quite yummy, I will not purchase Britney's signature scent for three reasons:
Few people know that "Curious" is actually liquidized cake.
- When I wear perfume, I want boys to feel lusty, not hungry.
- Isn't a scent supposed to be indefinable? I don't want people to start guessing when I enter a room. "Omg, is somebody eating a Twinkie?" "No, sorry, that's my perfume."
- I'm cheap.
That's right. I don't want to spend spend $50 on an aroma I could achieve by tucking a cookie down my bra. The good news is, you can solve a multitude of these problems with "Curious" by not buying it--and investing in these alternatives instead.
- Opium. I don't think this smells anything like Curious, but I'll bet my bootlegged copy of Blackout that it's sexier.
- Jessica Simpson's Dessert line. At least this way when you smell edible, you actually are. No false advertising!
- Juice Bar. That's right, you can smell EXACTLY like something (no mystery here!) for a very low price. Seriously, a couple of bucks in a drug store. Cotton Candy, Gummi Bears--go nuts. Well, if they even make this stuff anymore. It's been a while since I was in junior high and now I'm not sure.
Anyway, here's to you, Britney, and your lowest common denominator products! Teenaged girls and middle class cougars alike will love you for it.
Let me watch over you...
Hello women of the world!
It is I, Fabio, here to captivate your senses, protect your waistlines, and defend your honor, especially from low-class scumbags that upset you in public. Fabio can do all this and more, but Fabio does not go where he is not wanted.
It is such a long way I have come from Milano, but I would cross a sea of oceans to make you happy. I would ride multitudes of roller coasters and battle hordes of angry, squawking birds just to see you smile. And if your cheeks become too tired from smiling so much, I will hold the corners of your mouth in place, so you can continue to smile without further discomfort.
It's true: every day with me is like Christmas, New Year's Day, Arbor Day, and Rosh Hashanah all in one. There is always a present to be unwrapped, and Fabio is more than happy to oblige. I will not only bring you to new heights of ecstasy, but will also help around the house: feel free to do your laundry on my washboard abs, or simply entrust me with the cooking. In Fabio's capable hands, each singular strand of pasta will be cooked to al dente perfection and exquisitely seasoned.
So please, open up your heart and let Fabio into your life! I promise this is a decision that you will never regret, and I am willing to wait as long as it takes. Until you are ready, I will be waiting.
XOXO,
Fabio
Note: The weather outside may be frightful, but Fabio is more than enough to keep us all warm until Overlooked returns on January 2. Safe and happy holidays to all of you and we'll see you next year!
