Results tagged “horror” from Overlooked

This might immediately expose me as an outsider to the world of paintballing, for the life of me, I cannot understand why someone would spend upwards of $100 on these horrifying things known as "ghillie suits." In the spirit of being completely slack-jawed and terrified, I would simply like to present...

THE TOP TEN REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER, STOP PAINTBALLING, AND GET A REAL JOB
NO, REALLY.

(in no particular order)

In honor of the New Kids on the Block reunion this morning on the Today Show, I would like to share one of my most precious/appalling New Kids memories.

When I was in elementary school, in order to win friends and influence people (I was a precocious dictator you see), I always had a pool party birthday celebration. Because kids are shallow like that, it worked - at least until the girls started "their menses" and no longer were able to swim (back when America was but a shy country and collectively "not-so-fresh").

However, before the end of my magnificent reign, I did host a party that procured me one of the most memorable gifts I have ever received. A NKOTB ACTION FIGURE. The Joey McIntyre one, to be specific. Now mind you, this was when I was in 3rd or 4th grade - approximately 1988 or 1989 - long past when the Kids were actually popular, but not long enough for them to actually accumulate kitsch value.

Upon opening this present, the entire conglomerate of girls dissolved into giggles. My friend Lauren, the benefactress, laughed loudest of all - it was the best joke present she had ever given! As best I could through my shrieks of horror, I gave her the evil eye and immediately set about opening her real present.

The doll was immediately established as a sacrificial object. We girls set to work channeling our aggression towards the once-loved, now completely lame boy band by scraping poor Joey's face against the concrete walkways lining the pool. Within moments, his head was reduced to a flesh-colored pulp and we were getting ready for birthday cake.

That Joey doll stayed in our pool supply cabinet for years after, until my parents, apparently disgusted enough with the knowledge that such a Lord of the Flies moment had occurred in their very back yard, deposited him the trash once and for all. Sometimes I wonder what ever became of that wee action figure - did he become some dog's chew toy? Did he get melted down to make up an eyeball on a Tickle Me Elmo doll? Did some hobo at the landfill find him and give him a good home? Is he happy there? Does he ever think of his days as a pool toy? Does his wee plastic soul still hold a grudge against pre-teen girls for taking his radiant beauty?

Wherever you are, my New Kids' Joey action figure, I hope you find your way. Godspeed, little friend, Godspeed.

There are 3 scenes that have managed to traumatize my bathing experiences. The infamous shower scene in Hitchcock's Psycho had me pulling open the shower curtain like a schizophrenic child. Stephen King's IT turned me into an adolescent smelly hippy because I remained too afraid to bathe for fear of something coming up from the drain. The Billy Mays KABOOM infomercial has this part, at around 1:05, where he wipes away soap scum and his reflection eerily appears in the shower's faucet. When I see it, time stands still and I'm taken to a bathtub where I am draining the water. I glance up at the faucet to see Billy's face watching mine. His reflection paralyzes me as he whispers, "KABOoOooOM, I'm watching you." I gasp! Then I'm snapped back to reality. Billy Mays is incapable of whispering. *whew*