Results tagged “may or may not be true” from Overlooked

We were sitting outside an old cafe, at a small white table with a round glass top. It was a sunny day but it wasn't overbearing. There was a slight breeze, just enough to blow strands of her jet black hair across her face. We were sitting close to each other. I could feel her close to me. I was leaned over with my head propped up on my fist and my elbow on the table facing her. My hand sat on the back of her chair. She was sitting with her right leg crossed over her left leg. The top of her foot was coyly brushing against the back of my left calf. She was having some expensive weird coffee drink and I was having a dram of Cointreau. I leaned in closer to her and gently brushed her hair back, kissing her on the neck very slowly. I left my lips pressed against her warm skin and breathed in the scent of her hair. She smelled so womanly. I pulled back and gave her a wink and a broad smile. She squinted at me and pouted her lips. "You're trying to cause trouble, aren't ya?" she asked quietly, more with her dark green eyes than with her lilted Irish brogue.

Her hair was black like Guinness, and she had a slight dusting of freckles across her nose and her pale shoulders. "Yes. Yes I am." I smiled back. Well, I was trying to cause trouble… She shook her head and pursed her lips even tighter but broke into a cute, knowing smile.

"How does the world stay safe with you around?" she smirked. I reached for her hand and held it gently. I held her palm open and tickled my fingers lightly across it. She gave me a suspicious look. "It's not working," she said, her resolve starting to quaver. I looked into her eyes and brought her hand up to my lips. I kissed her palm. Lingering. Slowly planting kisses. Watching her. I followed her life line to the inside of her wrist. She bit her lower lip. I smiled and pressed my lips lightly to her. I flicked my tongue. She gave a startled gasp. I could feel her pulse quicken. She drew her hand back with a heavy breath and crossed her arms. I laughed, "All right... All right... but let me just say this doesn't mean I give up."

She looked at me full on, like a mother bear, gauging and calculating. She shook her head again and laughed, tilting her head back. Her beautiful white teeth flashing. Her laughter rolling like a brook, languidly splashing the flowers on its green banks.

She was wearing a light pink, sleeveless, fitting t-shirt. A white, flowing skirt hugged her hips, heightening her feminine curves. "Be my wife," I told her.

"But Charley! I hardly even know ya!" she said doubting herself, but her eyebrows knitted with stubborn Irish resolution.

"All right, but promise me to spend the rest of your time here with me." I pleaded. She looked sadly, deep into my eyes.

"I promise".

And then I woke up.

The crowd is growing restless as we wait on these models from the sample site showdown between Gilt.com, RueLaLa.com and the latest newcomer ideeli.com.  Gilt, the current holder of the Golden Diet Coke Can, is defending her title. She's waif-like, but wiry. We've even heard stories of Gilt eating a whole vegetarian mini-burito by herself in order to beef up for this bout!

RuelaLa is a little confused; sometimes she comes to the ring with a Fendi handbag (great weapon of choice among the modeling community), but lately she has been wearing Puma sneakers and throwing dishes from Villeroy & Boch and WMF cutlery.  We're not sure how she plans to attack the Gilt machine; her mojo is more SmartBargains than Champs Elysées.

And new to the ring today is Ideeli. She's been to Paris. She's heard of Milan. She's in New York.  She's got her Fendi sunglasses for the subway and she's swinging an Yves Saint Laurent handbag today, just gunning for Gilt with hate in her eyes.

Our contestants are in the ring, and the bell sounds.... Get Ready To Rumbbblllllleeeeeee!!!!!

Ideeli comes out of the corner and goes right for RueLaLa, boxing her ears with that Yves Saint Laurent and a Lanvin handbag that seemed to come out of nowhere. Ideeli, in that Dolce & Gabbana sarong, is not up to the same fashion sense as RueLaLa and her Christian Dior shoes, but she is feisty! Gilt looks shocked for not getting the attention and runs at the two rivals pummeling each other with open hand slaps, nails extended.  You can hear that all the way in the nosebleed seats!

Gilt does an amazing double impact bash, windmilling her Badgley Mischka handbag and knocking both of them off their spiky high heels.  They go tumbling, and Ideeli breaks a heel of her Coach shoes.  The girls both look completely enraged, and OMG!  Ideeli breaks off her other heel and throws it at RueLaLa!  RueLaLa is now limping off to her corner for some Diet Coke.

While Ideeli gloats over the departure of RueLaLa, Gilt seizes the opportunity. She leaps and bowls Ideeli over, tearing her sarong.  Ideeli grabs hold of Gilt's See By Chloe jacket and pulls her over, landing on top.  She just threw Gilt's John Varvatos sunglasses into the crowd and they are just clamoring to get a hold of them.  It looks like this might be it for Gilt; she's taking a beating from Ideeli, but wait! RueLaLa just bolted from her corner, tumbling into both of her nemeses - knocking out Ideelie and herself in the collision!

That's it folks, it's over!  Gilt stumbles up and waves her arms high in triumph, bangle bracelets practically falling to her shoulders since her arms are so skinny.  Her trainer just came over with a fresh Botkier handbag and she is beaming from ear to ear over this victory.  Gilt takes home the Golden Diet Coke Can Lightweight title again!

What a fight and good night!

In honor of America's birthday, we are delighted to celebrate Abraham Lincoln, an icon known both for his contributions to the Union and to the illustrious legacy of facial hair. This coif of beard-with-no-mustache (also known as a "chin curtain") has been an inspiration for thousands of Amish and sexual deviants everywhere (I strongly advise you against clicking that link unless you wish to have your idyllic visions of Mr. Lincoln destroyed forever).

Fun Facts About Honest Abe

Lincoln was born in Hardin County, Kentucky and as such was reputed to be the creator of the "Gettin' Lucky in Kentucky" catchphrase.

At the suggestion of an eleven-year-old girl, Lincoln grew his now-famous beard. She also suggested that he dress all in pink and adopt the moniker "Princess Pearly Pie", but Abe wisely chose to disregard this advice. Less than a month later, he was elected president.

Lincoln was known as a bit of a prankster, even after death. During one of Winston Churchill's visits to the White House, Lincoln's ghost hid all of the prime minister's clothes as he was bathing. Imagine Eleanor Roosevelt's surprise to find a nude Churchill scurrying down the hall to the guest room!

A talented singer, Lincoln sang on the recording for Once More with Feeling, the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

From all of us at ShopWiki, we wish you a happy and safe Independence Day, and a belated Happy Canada Day to our friendly neighbo(u)rs to the north! May your holidays be as glorious as the hair atop Lincoln's chin!

Ughh, there goes Søren again, prancing around like he owns the place. So full of himself, like he's some sort of Superman or something. Ha!

We're working our butts off and he's just standing there with women flocking to him. I swear, Fred, it's like we're not even in the same class!

Would you look at this? It's not like we're anything to sneeze at, but you'd think we had the plague. [Sighs] Oh, I don't know what to believe anymore. I'm so depressed.

Bourgeois scum...he'll get his. History doesn't have to repeat itself, you know. Someday the tables will turn and we'll be the ones with all the glory. The women will come to us.

Hey guys, how's it going? Listen, the girls and I are gonna go back to my place and check out my journals, you wanna come?

R-really...? That's really decent of you, guy! Whaddaya say, Karl?

Hey, I'm always up to start a party! This will be a night to remember!

Energy drinks, so wonderful for cross country road trips, late night cramming, and temporary killing of the sleepies. Manufacturers of energy drinks are always trying to find ways to market their products to the young, hip and perpetually tired. In doing so, they have managed to come up with 2 very illegally named products, Cocaine and Blow. Of course, controversy ensued.

Cocaine was introduced in September of 2006. It contains 350% more caffeine than Red Bull and 750mgs of Taurine (Red Bull contains 1000mgs). By May of 2007 the FDA forced the drink's manufacturer, Redux Beverages, to pull the product from the shelves because they were "illegally marketing their drink as an alternative to street drugs". Redux then decided to redistribute the drink under the name "No Name", leaving a large blank space on the can, where Cocaine used to sit, allowing drinkers to write in their own name for the drink. Clever bastards! Now in 2008 the company has been allowed to distribute the product under it's original name, Cocaine.

Blow Energy Drink Mix is a white powder sold in vials clearly using drug culture as a marketing technique. This is a fairly new product and therefor controversies surrounding it are just starting to pop up. On January 31, 2008 the FDA sent a warning letter to Blow's marketing firm stating "Blow is marketed as an alternative to an illicit street drug and is intended to affect the structure or function of the body". It will be interesting to see how this plays out. Will it get pulled? Will they rename the product? Should they have to? So many questions!

EnergyFiend.com has some pretty nifty graphs comparing these energy drinks to others on the market. How does Cocaine compare to Blow? Geek out on graphs like I did.

This post was written under the influence of large amounts of energy drinks. Uncontrollable shaking and the poos were a direct side effect. *

*may or may not be true

Today is St. Patrick's Day. These products are designed to help you tomorrow, when hungover employees cost the US economy $884 million.*

*May or may not be true**

**Probably true in this office***

***Definitely true in Bill's office

Hey, hermano! An Arrested Development movie is in the works although nothing has been made official. However, IMDB has already put the movie up on their site and you should check out Will Arnett at 2:30 into this video. I was going to try and write something funny, but I'm just so excited I can't think of anything good to say. Feel free to leave a comment with your favorite line(s) of Arrested Development dialogue.

Oh, and if you're one of the 297 million Americans who have never seen the show, step right this way.

Today for Hunk Friday, I am taking a cue from the eminent Armsweat and writing a report on our subject at hand: JRR Tolkien.

When it comes to shaping generations of delicate, asthmatic, small-handed man-children, only a smattering of names come to mind: William Shatner, E. Gary Gygax, Stan Lee, that knight at RenFair. But no other historical figure was more memorable than JRR Tolkien, the author of the Lord of the Rings novels.

John Ronald Reuel Tolkien was born on January 3, 1892 in Bloemfontein, South Africa to Arthur Reuel Tolkien and his wife Mabel. The couple soon discovered that scolding John Ronald Reuel often left them short of breath, and so took to calling him "JRR" as an homage to their favorite character on "Dallas", the wildly popular TV series. JRR himself was a "Beauty and the Beast" fan and preferred to simply be called Ronald.

At the age of three, Arthur died of rheumatic fever and the young family went to live with relatives in England. Mabel was entrusted with Ronald's early education and allowed him to read a great deal. He was a fan of stories about Native Americans, but disliked Treasure Island after an ill-fated trip to the zoo wherein he was verbally abused by an irritable mynah bird. This left him distrustful of exotic birds in general ("cantankerous bastards" was his preferred manner of describing them) and the bird in question actually served as the model for Gollum in "Lord of the Rings".

Ronald was something of a rebellious youth and fell in line with a gang calling themselves the TCBS: "Tea Club and Barrovian Society". The members met often to drink tea at a store called Barrow's, and later on as they became more and more caffeine-addicted, they took to drinking tea illicitly in the school library. Many a TCBS member was sternly reprimanded for leaving water marks on the library tables, but their thirst for Earl Grey could not be slaked.

Of course, this very derring-do made Ronald a hit with the ladies, but he only had eyes for Edith Mary Bratt, three years his senior. However, his guardian saw her as an unnecessary distraction and forbade Tolkien from corresponding with her until he was twenty-one. Thankfully, his crippling tea addiction occupied him until then, but on his 21st birthday following a massive detox, he proposed. Edith, in the meantime, was convinced that she had been discarded and had become engaged to another man, but Tolkien won out in the end. The two were married in 1916, Edith carrying a bouquet made of chamomile flowers.

After marriage, Tolkien took a job at the Oxford English Dictionary working on the history and etymology of words of Germanic origin beginning with the letter W. It was a tedious job, even for a cunning linguist such as himself, and his demons eventually came back to haunt him: within months he was up to 8 cups of Darjeeling a day. These caffeine highs and lows laid the seed for the three volumes of the Lord of the Rings, especially the Ring-wraiths, a product of a hallucination involving rabid mynah birds.

Sadly, Tolkien died in 1973, but his legacy is kept alive to this day by hunk-enthusiasts and gawky adolescents alike. JRR Tolkien, we salute you!

AN OPEN LETTER FROM THE DESKS OF JON VOIGT AND BURT REYNOLDS

Dear Friends:

We have a beef: a beef for the future of macho men everywhere. In fact, it's such a huge and macho beef that it might as well be a steak.

When we turn on our televisions at night or go to movies on weekends, all we see are shi-shi dyed blonde, spiked hair, fake-tanned, eyebrows painted on, foundation wearing, pink-shirted pretty boys. Take that show "Gossip Girl" for instance - as far as we're concerned, the entire cast is female! And Zac Efron? They didn't need that much makeup for Eric Stoltz in "Mask"!!

We are calling for immediate action. A return to the glory days is in order: the days before eyebrow waxing, the days when a woman would burst into ecstasy just at the sight of chest hair. The days when a middle-aged lothario could cultivate a beer gut and lounge around in his tighty whiteys and still set hearts aflame in every direction. Manly men of the world, the time is now. Set down your Sally Hansen waxing kits and follow us!

Remember: you are the future. BE ADEQUITE.

Editor's note: A huge thank you to our friend Cindy for her hunkspiration!

(I once had an unsubstantiated theory that Tim Gunn of TV's "Project Runway" was Canadian. I don't know what it is about him, but there is something that makes my finely-honed Canadar ^TM (Go Redmen!) go ping. At the time, I could find no evidence to disprove my theory, which naturally only added to my conspiracy: no longer is Tim simply Canadian, but now he is ashamed of his motherland. For the record, Tim claims to be from Washington, D.C., though I still have my doubts.)

Tim Gunn settled into the 400-thread count Egyptian cotton sheets that topped his Louis XIV 4-poster canopy bed with the newest issues of Us Weekly, silently berating Natalie Portman's attached earlobes. Though admittedly Natalie did her best to make them work, there were surgeries for that kind of thing. Tim sighed to himself, absent-mindedly running a hand through his silver hair.

He put down the magazine and gazed off at nothing in particular for several moments. Suddenly, tears started to well up in his eyes, and their plopping onto the glossy gossip pages was the only sound in the room. Tim shook his head, trying in vain to stop their flow. Why were things so hard for him? He knew it was only a matter of time: imdb.com had workers lurking in every alley, and those hounds at E! Online were giving Tim ever-increasing migraines. He reached for his glass of San Pellegrino and tried to persuade himself of the soothing power of its effervescent bubbles: people paid top dollar for similar treatments at spas, and such treatments only affected the outside of your body.

But all was futile, Tim knew deep in his soul. Such was the double-edged sword of fame with which he had been knighted. One day, for certain...the truth would come out, and the knowledge of that fact ate away at him every waking moment of the day.

For Tim had a secret.

He was Canadian.

To be continued...

People are usually surprised to find out that my presidential hottie soulmate is Andrew Jackson. After all, it's Thomas Jefferson who is the veritable "Burt Reynolds of presidents", wooing women left and right and fathering a plethora of children. He was the total Big Man on Campus, to quote Marcia Brady.

But I say Jefferson was far too handsome, too worldly - too obvious! For me, there is nothing like "Old Hickory" Jackson, and his legacy extends far beyond the presidency. In fact, it is often speculated both Arthur "The Fonz" Fonzarelli of "Happy Days" and Dylan McKay of "Beverly Hills, 90210" were based on the archetypal bad boy. Jackson was the original rebel: orphaned at a young age, sporadically educated, and harboring an intense rage for the British.

However, this outcast was the sensitive and brooding type, and isn't that the most alluring type of all? In 1788, Jackson was entranced by the Rachel Donelson (who totally has my birthday - that means he's totally my astrological soulmate!), who was already married to the jealous and unreasonable Captain Robards. The two ultimately separated and when Robards claimed that he obtained a divorce, Andrew and Rachel married - only to find out two years later that the divorce had never been finalized, thus making the Jacksons' marriage invalid. Though the two were legally remarried, there was controversy and Andrew fought a record 13 duels to defend his wife's honor - be still my heart!!

So if you want a president to love you and leave you, you can keep your Thomas Jefferson. But if you want a president to write songs about you, brush the hair out of your face, and share an umbrella with you on a rainy day, I think I have your man. And in the style of my classic hunk, I think I might fight you for him.

If you're like me, you just can't get enough of the glitter and drama of Las Vegas shows, but by the time Celine Dion and Wayne Newton get made up and take the stage, that third cup of Maxwell House is just NOT cutting it anymore! So what's an aspiring showgirl to do when her eyes start drooping?

Leave it to none other than Siegfried & Roy to solve the most difficult of Vegas's problems!

In 1999, frustrated with the rampant tardiness on the set of the film "Siegfried & Roy: The Magic Box", magician Siegfried Fischbacher set about to brainstorming. After attempts to disappear the troublesome staff members to remote regions of the Mohave Desert failed to teach any sort of permanent lesson, he knew something more had to be done.

And thus was born The Siegfried & Roy Limited Edition Collector's Series Wrist Watch. Combining German efficiency and Las Vegas-style glitz, Siegfried knew that these watches would keep his sorry interns in shape, and commemorate the IMax film release in style! It not only ensured that each film screening started exactly on time, but also their Vegas performances as well. And you know what that means for those of us trying to get home before the babysitter has to leave for her "hot date" (it also means I can save the Maxwell House for when company comes over)!

Celine, honey, you can save your voice - I'm going to see Siegfried & Roy!

I have a dream.

In my dream, the air is a little sweeter. People are a little nicer. Summer nights last just a little bit longer. Boston's "More Than A Feeling" is always on the radio.

And Steven Quincy Urkel is our president.

This box of Urkel-O's is a precious artifact from his 1992 campaign against such political juggernauts as then-incumbent George Herbert Walker Bush and a fresh-faced William Jefferson Clinton.

It was clear from the start that the 15-year-old Chicago native had little hope of capturing the necessary support needed to sweep the Southern states, especially after allegations surfaced that Urkel's fanatical fixation with dairy products, notably Wisconsin cheddar, was far less than innocent. By the time the public learned of his radical scientific experiments with human cloning and his culinary predilection for mice, his success was little more than a pipe dream and Urkel officially withdrew from the race.

Though the campaign ended that cold winter day, with this collectible box of Ralston Urkel-O's, the dreams of a nation - the dream of an Urkeltopia - can live on forever.

Almost, Steven.

Almost.

Overheard: Mark-Paul Gosselaar and Mario Lopez at a novelty gift shop at the Mall of America*
Lopez: Hey Preppie! ...err Mark...sorry man, old habits die hard.
Gosselaar: No worries, man. 'Sup?
Lopez: Looking at all this ALF merchandise really brings back some awesome memories. Like remember that time [inaudible]?
Gosselaar: Man, you were so waaaaaaaaaaasted!!! And you always said you wouldn't take your shirt off for less than $200 an hour.
Lopez: Yeah, like you didn't join in! Man, Tijuana has never been the same.
Gosselaar: Man, those were the days....
Lopez: Yeah, man.....
Gosselaar: It's a good thing the paparazzi wasn't like they are now - we wouldn't have gotten away with anything!
Lopez: ....
Gosselaar: Man, we woulda been toast!
Lopez: ....
Gosselaar: Mario?
Lopez: Man, you better come take a look at this....
Gosselaar: ....
Lopez: BEEFCAKES?!? Man, I thought you said no one would ever see those pictures!!
Gosselaar: (Making a 'T' with his hands) Whoa whoa whoa - TIME OUT!
Lopez: ...Uh, that doesn't work in real life, man.
Gosselaar: Aw man. That's one release form I wish I never signed. TIME IN!
Lopez: (Smacks forehead)

They might be embarrassed, but you'll be the coolest kid in school with this attractive "Saved by the Bell" lunchbox!

*May or may not be true.

In honor of Halloween, we here at ShopWiki are honoring the love between German citizens and candied apples. A phenomenon virtually unknown to the American world until this very moment, the intimate relationship between folk and fruit has captivated the Teutonic world since the Great Düsseldorf Candied Apple Fire of 1855.

On that fateful evening, Horst Schenk, the night watchman at the candied apple factory, improperly extinguished his cigarette before succumbing to the crashing low following his nightly sugar binge. Thankfully, because of the proximity to the Rhine River, neither the city itself nor any of its inhabitants were at any time imperiled, but the factory was annihilated beyond repair. Horst was later stoned to death by an angry mob in front of the Town Hall.

Since that tragic fire, Germans and Germans at heart alike have dedicated their lives to commemorating the memory of all those succulent lost souls and the population that could only stop weeping with the rise of reliable import relations. To this day, in almost every home across the nation, one will find a tribute to the chilling misfortune, most commonly in the form of intricate tapestries.

However, the sympathizers at ThinkStock know that not everyone has the kind of time for back-breaking loom work, and so they have generously compiled a photographic series for just such an occasion. Now you too can show your support of the Düsseldorfers' plight and your love of history with these attractive pieces.

From all of us here, Fröhliche Halloween, and for more decorating ideas, follow the jump!