Results tagged “ranting” from Overlooked

There are a few things I need to get out right now so, unfortunately, this is going to be a drawn out rant; if you do not feel like attending my ranting party, please feel free to throw away your invitation and click the "x" button located on your right. Be sure to check back for a more agreeable blog post. Thank you.

First thing on the List of Things that Have Annoyed Me this Past Week: People who believe the opposite of a general consensus--out of ignorance--and argue about it heatedly. What I mean is someone who, for example, argues that a movie ticket is five dollars, has always been five dollars, and that the person working the ticket window is trying to rip him off by charging him ten dollars. Everyone knows a movie ticket has not been five dollars since 1985 (or earlier) so unless you are a child or a senior mister know-it-all, please stop being a douche. When someone argues about such ridiculous things, It may not be the person's fault--I suppose some people cannot help their overall lack of intelligence--but it really makes me want to throw a feral cat in his face.

Second thing on the List of Things that Have Annoyed Me This Week: People who take sarcasm seriously. Go trip on a piece of broken sidewalk.

Third thing on the List of Things that Have Annoyed Me this Week: The MTA. Yeah I know the MTA annoys everyone, but my commute is, on a good day, 1.5 hours. And when the bus schedule is inconsistent with the schedule that they tack onto the rusty bus stop pole, it makes life that much more difficult. Twice this week I sat there--like a fool--and waited thirty minutes for the two buses that never showed up to take me to my house. I ended up walking home. I worked from home the last half of last week in protest. That'll show them. Yeah. I hope they suffered revenue losses without my $23.25.

Maybe I should just hike over to work in one of these great new cars:

Of course I will be made fun of at first, but there are definitely benefits to riding in one of these things:

• These cars are battery charged and therefore environmentally friendly.
• They are cheap, and so they can be replaced easily when you break them (which you will).
• Because you break and replace, you do not have to concern yourself with car dealerships and repairmen.
• Also because of the above, the model you drive will always be in style.
• These cars are compact, and therefore you will have less trouble finding a parking spot.
• No gas costs, and no waiting for public transportation.

Wow, I think I am actually talking myself into this.

So it begins....

As I was walking down the streets of New York--on what I thought was my bespoken path--there arose a small but surmountable fumble in my journey. As I looked further ahead, I saw that the obstruction took the form of two obnoxiously slow men...loiterers if you will. At this point I knew that, in order to continue on my merry journey, I would have to bypass them.

A strategy was already a-brewin'.

At first chance, I outflanked Big John--the right hand man--with a skillful L-turn; avoiding all obstacles, saving all time. But before I could rush away unscathed, I caught a snippet that drew my attention backwards. The pint-sized character now had my undivided attention--and just as I was about to dispose them from my memory!

Pint Size: "Does she know who I am, walkin' all fast; where she gotta go?".

Let me preface this next part by stating that I am a non-confrontational, non-judgmental type person, but in this situation, the sidewalk rage overtook me. These self-absorbed fools who did not even have the courtesy to move over were complaining about my pace? They were walking 20 mph below the speed limit! At this point I observed--to my delight--that the pint-sized one looked like Ja-Rule. Man, would he ever feel small when I put him in his place.

She's realer than he is, I'd wager

So it continued: I glared back icily and give my most "Oh no you did not" stare:

Me: "You know, if you would pull up your trousers a bit so's that your crotch isn't hanging at your ankles, then your legs would be able to have a stride of much bigger breadth. This would allow you and probably everyone around you to actually walk. Now I know that it can't be comfortable that 6 inches of material is trapped underneath your Nike--this must explain why your right leg drags more than RuPaul."

Ja and B.J.: *blank stare*

Me: "Excuse me, what is your name again?"

Ja and B.J.: *blank stare*

Me: "I am sorry, but before you answer I must interrupt, well because, I have to say that I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS what your name is. See, I just turned down East 2nd, which means that I am on my street. I imagine that, judging from your attitude, you are spoiled and unaccustomed to people disrespecting you, or even *gasp* passing you without ogling your diamond encrusted dental crowns--which you would not need if you had any hygiene."

Ja and B.J.: *blank stare*

Me: "I'm sorry, did I confuse you with my hygiene remark? Well then, allow me to give you this analogical example: if you were flying your private jet and all of the sudden, Jay-Z and Timbaland started crowding your airspace, you would be pretty brassed off--chances are good that you would even call J-Lo to complain that it ain't real. So now that we're in my neighborhood, I'd like you to back that ass out of my airspace because this is my runway, and I'm ready for take-off."

After all was said and done, I looked back down the street and thought, "That would have gone nicely with my icy stare". And stepping into my apartment, I vowed that the next hip hop star to cross my path would certainly get it.

Ed. note: A big ShopWiki welcome to Danielle, our newest writer!