Results tagged “sarah palin” from Overlooked

The election is finally over, and Barack Obama is the new Commander-in-Chief. Some people are happy about this: in fact, much of New York City was literally dancing in the streets. Others, however, are not nearly as excited--that much was evident if you watched the segment on C-SPAN that allowed viewers to call in and state their opinion on the election results. While Obama voters were thrilled, McCain supporters expressed deep concern for our country's future, citing Obama's lack of experience.

Frankly, I feel for these people. Though personally I disagree with their politics, I can relate to tinglings of dread (circa 2004) that come with complete terror of an elect's judgment. I also recognize that in recent months, there has been no faster way to alienate yourself at a party than to claim your undying loyalty to John McCain. Or admit that you find Sarah Palin to be endearing and a lot like your favorite sister-in-law. These are hardships, my friends, and ones that have gone unrewarded since Obama has won the race. I think we all need to put down our banners, take off our pins, and give one another a hug.

Okay, I almost threw up just typing that. McCain supporters do need to be accepted and comforted. But the better option, as always, is to be cynical and sarcastic about it. My suggestion? Flowers and candy--with a twist.

This, my fellow Americans, is the Sugar-Cain: nine inches of delicious, white chocolate mockery. Note the details: McCain's tight, pinched mouth, furrowed brows, and pendulous neck skin have all been captured in confectionery perfection. Send this to your Republican uncle in Florida to say I love you, I'm here for you, and I was RIGHT--ha ha!

And if you like your chocolate a little darker, sink your teeth into the Chocobama--available in three shades of tasty!

The Chocobama's great therapy for disgruntled elephants. Gnaw on his face and you can't help but feel better.

I'll bet you'd definitely get the Super Saver shipping if you did.

There's new Sarah Palin news: aparently, Jane Six Pack is a little less like every other American than originally thought. That's because she's cost the RNC $150,000 since joining the Republican ticket on clothing and grooming. Now granted, the girl looks good. More so, stylists are saying that since her carefully crafted image of "qualified and professional yet relatable" is integral to her campaign platform, it's been money wisely (and appropriately) spent. But let's get to the really important question: at a couple thousand dollars a Valentino suit, and several hundred dollars for blush, how does the average New York woman dress up as Sarah Palin on Halloween?

Lucky for you, I've brainstormed some alternatives.

1. Outdoorsy Sarah Palin (also known as Eskimo Barbie)

This is the Sarah Palin as governor of Alaska. It's perfect for Halloween because the fleece will keep you warm. Just don't think that because you're wearing a pullover you can skip the fancy up do (please reference "What's the Difference Between Sarah Palin and a Hockey Mom? 82 Bobby Pins" for an in-depth look at her coiffure). Same goes for the blush. If nobody gets that you're Sarah Palin without the skirt suit, just say, "Ski Barbie", or pretend that you're actually just visiting from the Midwest.

2. We're Not in Alaska Anymore

This is basically the same costume as "Outdoorsy Sarah Palin" except you carry a rifle. Or, wear binoculars around your neck and ask people which direction they think Russia is. Check with your binoculars, shake your head, and walk away.

3. Sarah Palin Wants World Peace

Recycle that bridesmaid's dress! All you have to do is pair it with a banner that says "Miss Alaska" and some glasses, tease your hair, and pile on that blush. For extra fun, carry cards with traditional beauty pageant interview questions on them. When you get someone to ask you one at a party, talk about something completely unrelated and then wink.

4. Putting Lipstick on a Pig

Only attempt if your friends are very liberal and have been watching all of the election coverage. Dress as Sarah Palin in a conservative skirt suit, do her hair and makeup, and put on screaming red lipstick--preferably outside of your natural lipline so it's very noticeable. Then, wear a plastic pig nose.

5. Sarah Palin

Okay, this one's pretty straightforward. Wear a Valentino suit and hire Palin's stylist for hair and makeup.

... and then tuck toilet paper into your skirt and let it flow behind you. Hahahahahaha! BURN.

Tips: Skip that last step if you're a Republican. And use your own suit and Cover Girl makeup if you're a Democrat. Why? Because normal people can't afford that crap.

Happy costuming, and don't forget to vote!

*wink*

Whether you love or hate Sarah Palin, you've got to admire her crispy updos. Undoubtedly meant to recall simpler times when the Aqua Net flowed freely, and obviously seeking to bring back memories of past White House women (she does know Jackie O was a Democrat, right?), Sarah Palin's hair is as steadfast as her resolve against abortion.

It's also vaguely reminiscent of my 1996 prom issue of Seventeen magazine.

Coincidence? I'll let you decide. Let's just say the looks are about as similar as a hockey mom and a pit bull inexplicably wearing lipstick!